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아침햇살

조회 수 6559 추천 수 240 2006.11.21 16:04:49
chasw5@naver.com

오늘은 아침햇살이 짭쪼롬하다.

어릴적에는 마당에 나가서 구슬치기라도 하며 놀고 싶었던 그런 햇살이다.

소년 시절 이런 햇살 아래서는 알 수도 없는 막연한 그리움이 있었다.

그 그리움은 자라면서 꿈도 되고 거대한 희망도 되고 그랬었다.


그 짧은 시간을, 또는 길고 긴 세월을 부대껴 오면서

생각 속에는 얼마나 많은 이야기들, 생활의 파편들이

가을낙엽처럼 쌓여왔었던가,


때로는 한없이 울어야 견딜 수 있었고,

또 어떤 때는 즐거움이 온 몸을 휘둘러

어찌할 수 없는 몸부림으로

꿈 속을 달리듯 헤매기도 했었던 날들,

즐거움은 잠시였고 힘든 날은 길었을 지라도

지금 우리는 여기 이 순간에 와 있지 않은가.


어쩌면 우리는 죽기 위하여 사는 지도 모른다.

때로는 자신의 흔적을 두려워하면서

또 어떤 때는 흔적을 남기려고 애를 쓰며 살기도 했었다.

죽음 이후의 보잘 것 없는 흔적,

사람들의 입에 오르내리다가 얼마 아니하여 잊어리고

잘 하면 돌조각이나 책의 한 쪽에 몇 글자로 남아 있을

화석같은 영광을 생각할 수도 있었을 것이다.


모든 것이 넉넉하여 함포고복(含哺鼓腹)을 누리면서도

좀 더 많은 것을 쌓아두어야 할 현대인의

철저한 경제적 신념과 발전의 구호를 외치면서

살 빼기 위하여 애를 쓰고, 낯내기 위하여 용을 쓰고

맛있는 것을 먹기 위하여 머리를 굴리고 남들보다 더 위에 있으려고,

그럴듯 하려고 몸뚱아리를 포장하는,

그런 것에서 희열을 느끼고 정열을 뿜어내는 곳에서

한번쯤 벗어나서,

약간의 배고픈 몸뚱아리로 눈망을 초롱초롱하게 뜨고

단풍잎 같은 별을 바라보자.

여윈 몸으로 흰구름 둥둥 떠나가는 저 멀리 하늘을 바라보자

별들의 눈물같은 흰눈이 오면 가난한 마음으로 눈을 맞아보자.

모든 것을 텅텅 비우고 마지막 창자까지라도

다 내어놓고 나면,

다시 짭쪼롬한 어릴적 햇살같은 날이 기다리고 있을 것이니...


 



엮인글 :

댓글 '5'

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